Miracles Magazine, May/June 2020, pp. 445-48.
Most people recognize the value of effectively handling emotional reactions to life. It is well documented that avoiding, suppressing, and controlling emotions can create a myriad of psychological, behavioral, and physical difficulties. We also know that to live a healthy, balanced existence requires the ability to fully experience and constructively express emotions on a regular basis.
Despite the ample research showing that effectively addressing emotions is one of the greatest deterrents to psychological disturbance and interpersonal conflict, few people know how to effectively address emotions. It is quite astonishing that these skills are not commonly discussed and taught in our society despite the huge effect they have on our daily living.
Developing an effective method of addressing emotions is imperative for individual happiness and satisfying interpersonal relationships, as well as for the civility of society at large. While many people know it is not advisable to avoid, suppress and control emotions, few realize that it is also not helpful to apply effort or “do” something with emotions. Even the intentional acts of “releasing” emotions or “letting them go” are subtle forms of applying effort and doing something.
Ideally, we want to effortlessly observe thoughts and emotions while simultaneously allowing them to arise, express themselves, and leave our perceptual fields in any way they wish. Emotions can be trusted to express themselves productively and constructively when we let them enter, perform, transform, and exit our presence in any manner and in any time period they desire. When we fully honor the deepest truth and reality of our emotions they will always guide us to express them wisely and respectfully. Attempts to do something with emotions or having a purpose or goal associated with our experiencing of them will simply interfere with the unique, dynamic, organic expression of the emotions and all that they might reveal to us.
It is easier to allow emotions to be whatever they wish to be and do whatever they wish to do when we understand that they are not accidents but messengers from the universe that we have either consciously or unconsciously invited to visit. Knowing this, they can be viewed as being similar to invited guests arriving at the front door of our homes. Politely welcome them in and engage them in a receptive, respectful, intimate manner. Listen to them cognitively, emotionally, sensually, and energetically in order to fully absorb the unique experiences they have come to offer us. We’ll benefit from following the general rule that we learn more by listening then by talking and acting.
Our attempts to manage and control personal thoughts and emotions is as disrespectful and destructive as it is to behaviorally manage and manipulate another person. In fact, it is probably more detrimental since most of us are routinely disregarding and disrespecting our personal thoughts and emotions on an unconscious level. No one likes to be managed, controlled, manipulated, avoided, or criticized by another person. These behaviors are clearly destructive and disrupt the development of healthy, productive, pleasurable, and growthful interpersonal relationships. Similar negative results are experienced intrapersonally when we respond in unsupportive ways to our internal thoughts and emotions.
Life unfolds organically without any effort on our part. It does so spontaneously without any need whatsoever for our intentions, plans, or actions to make it happen. Clearly our judgments, evaluations, and analyses are after the fact and have no direct bearing on the experiences that have already unfolded. As much as we’d like to think differently, it is obvious that no matter how strong our intentions and how much effort we exert we do not dictate and control the outcomes of events.
Whether or not we realize it, life always unfolds in a perfect, productive manner based on a deeper level of intelligence and wisdom than we can possibly perceive with our thinking mind. Everything that happens is happening for a valid reason and is providing all objects and people with exactly the perfect experience needed at that time. The essential nature of the universe is an infinitely complex, matrix of Creative Intelligence extending and expressing itself in ways far beyond anything we can imagine. It is extremely arrogant to believe that the limited knowledge and power we possess as an individual, separate being can begin to understand, much less rival, the expansive knowledge, wisdom, and power of the Source of all creation.
The fundamental nature of our ego personality is fragility, instability, and fearfulness arising out of its sense of separation from the wholeness and peace associated with the Source and Essence of the universe. Therefore, our ego-based functioning lacks faith and trust and, out of fear, tries to dominate and control a world that, in all actuality, is the perfect, organic expression of the deepest intelligence and wisdom possible.
A true sense of personal freedom and peace of mind can only be achieved by giving up our efforts to manage and control life. A wise mystic once said, “all human suffering is a result of people fighting with life.” What is required is submission and not self-indulgent efforts to override the ongoing, creative expression of an infinitely wise, benevolent universe.
When we submit to “what is” the True Nature of thoughts and emotions reveals itself to be wholeness, peace, and love. When we resist and control emotions they are not free to express their natural tendency to spontaneously flow and change. If emotions are provided the open space to be themselves they will naturally relax their boundaries, unfold, and eventually transmute into their natural state.
When we surrender to experience we feel “real”. This is because we are embracing what we truly are in that moment and having a direct experience of our True Nature. Our present moment experience is directly affiliated with our True Nature. When we deny our emotions we disconnect from ourselves. When we fully feel emotions they eventually release, transform, and dissolve making known what is true.
In conclusion, it is absurd to try to make life happen and futile to fight with the organic unfolding of life. We need only to relax, receive, and absorb the bountiful expression of creative beauty that the universe endlessly provides. Welcoming all emotions and allowing them to be whatever they wish to be ultimately exposes the freedom, peace and joy underlying all creation and reveals our True Nature as infinite beings of light, love, and wisdom.